There has been some questions recently about RMAM's hierarchy,
as well as questions about our moderation procedures. In order to clarify some of these questions, here is a quick
guide to RMAM.
João
The Oppression Board consists of Secretary General Joao de Souza, Advisor Jennifer Ouellette, Evil Overlord Don
Wagner, Librarian Princess Erica Friedman, Insult Coordinator Pai Yili, Spoiled Brat Richard Kim, Cartoonist John
Leylegian, Neurosurgeon Angie Guillozet, Animal Handler Lauren Radner, Matriarchal Goddess Karen Nagai, Neil "Hits
With A Big Stick" Gendzwill, Gatekeeper of All Knowledge Steve Gombosi, Oppressor Mike Krantz, Event Organizer
Brad Webb, plus our techies: Root Eric Schnoebelen and Nerd Igor Chudov.
When someone posts something to RMAM, the post gets automagically
emailed to our robomoderator, who we affectionately like to refer to as "Bobby
Stumpy". Stumpy checks to see if the post is not
coming from a well known spammer, and
if not, it forwards the post to any one randomly selected Cabal members listed above and cool enough to have two
or more words in their official title. Once the Cabal Member receives the message, the person must either approve
or reject the message, or the Universe as we know it shall
cease to exist. The vast majority of the posts get immediately approved. The obvious troll, spammer, person who
thinks that posting binaries to a discussion board is cool, people on webtv/AOL/hotmail, dumbasses,
and so on get immediately rejected. When the Cabal Member is not 100% sure on what to do, they share the post with
the rest of the group, except the two techies, whom we like to refer as "slaves". After we are finished
laughing at the post, we must sacrifice a virgin to the Third
Circle Freemason Illuminati. I should point out that finding a virgin
here in New York City is no easy task. We usually
must travel all the way into the sticks of
New Jersey, where Erica Friedman collects virgins by the barrels
at Sailor Moon conventions. We place the virgin
on the Altar Of Sarcasm, and kill her with a Bigass(tm) blade.
We then chant Weird Al Yankovic tunes while waiting for The
Almighty Elvis to bless us with a response. While we wait for the response, we discuss the post amongst ourselves.
Sometimes, if the King's spaceship fails to appear upon
us, we end up having to make the decision ourselves, and feeling sad for wasting one perfectly good virgin.
If a post falls into the great bottomless pit known simply as "Usenet",
and fails to appear or generate a response, the only person who knows about that post's existence is the poster
(or "victim" as we like to call them). The victim
then sends us a polite note asking something like "You god damned sunnavabitches! Where the fuck is my post?!?!
You are just a bunch of fucking censors, and I hope you all burn in hell!!".
Then the more technically inclined members of The Cabal, along
with the two "slaves", perform a trace of every single NNTP server and email gateway between the "victim"
and the RMAM server (news.cirr.com), while Stumpy's "handler", Igor, checks the program code. We usually
trace the problem to one of the servers along the path, and let that server's administrators know about the problem,
and tell them how to correct it. We then proceed to format the victim's
hard disk, order thousands of dollars worth of S&M
merchandise on their credit cards (delivered to their offices, of course),
and list them as "armed and dangerous" with their local police department.
There. That's how RMAM works.