From lgd450@lulu.acns.nwu.edu Sat Oct 18 17:51:22 1997 Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 14:00:13 -0500 From: Angie Guillozet Reply-To: MA-MODS@montagar.com To: MA-MODS@montagar.com, "John C. Leylegian" Subject: Minneapolis or Bust I've been directed to send this to the moderators.... =) Hi y'all! ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+ Minneapolis or Bust! A short novel..... (Ok. It's long. But it was and *entire* weekend!) PROLOGUE I just knew it was going to be an interesting weekend when Rich said he was figuring on a 10-12 hour trip from NYC to Chicago (including stops for fuel and food). I just smiled at my computer terminal. Yah, right! DAY 1 Friday comes, and I get a message at work that it's 11:30 and they just crossed the OH-PA border, and are running on schedule, and will call when they reach Indiana. Doing the math in my head, I pop into the lab at 4:15, just in time to get a call from Jen. "Hi! We just got into Indiana. We'll be there in about...." "3-4 Hours" I chime in. "It will probably be closer to 2 hours. Rich and I drive fast. John drives like a little ol' lady though." I didn't want to disappoint them by telling them that they'd have to be doing at least 150 mph to get through both Indiana *and* Chicago in 2 hours. But what the hell, it meant that I got off of work a few hours early, so I head home to finish doing the dishes and cleaning up so that no one can tell that I'm a slob (and it worked too!) Round about 7:30-8:00, I hear little chirps of "Angie!" from outside, and decide I'd better go down and find them. Sure enough, two guys and a biker chick are outside my front door. For some reason, they feel the need to introduce themselves, as if I could confuse an Italian, a Korean, and a woman. John looked like his pictures from the web, Rich looked about 12 years old, and Jen looked just like Sela Ward. Just like I was expecting! =P So we sit down and talk (Jen and I talk, Rich and John sound like an old married couple and recite lines from SouthPark) while everyone goes to the bathroom, and we decide on Italian for dinner. We walk to the restaraunt, order a bottle of really cheap wine (because that's what tastes best, of course!) and dinner. An old friend of Rich's joins us, Jen eats all of Rich's dinner, and John recites lines from South Park (yes, more lines!) After dinner (which was yummy--no bad food in Chicago!), we drive into the city to see an improv show; John sleeps most of the way there. As we wait for the doors to open (show starts at 11:30!) John falls asleep a couple of more times, Rich and his friend Kathy catch up on old times, and Jen and I make fun of fat girls wearing mini skirts and sweatshirts. Meow! We really are kindred spirits. I think we might have been joined at the hip in a previous life! Once in the theater, John and Rich decide that they are going to yell "OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED KENNY! YOU BASTARDS!" if the opportunity presents itself. It half presented itself, and John got out a loud "OH MY GOD!" before he realized that Rich wasn't pulling his weight. It was a point of contention through the rest of the trip. They really are amusing, but Jen and I were starting to wonder how long it was going to be before John tried to kill Rich.... We get back to my place, and fall gratefully into bed. Jennifer immediately comandeers the spare room, leaving John and Rich to couches. Rich starts getting undressed in the living room and walks around in yellow boxers for a while. Don't ask. After lamenting all night about how tired they are (they've now been up for 22 hours), John and Rich decide it's a perfect time to pop in the SouthPark videos. I just put the pillow over my head and go to sleep. DAY 2 We get up the next morning and start on the road at about 8:30. After a quick stop at the corner store for some breakfast and Excedrin ("Mmmm! Snacky Cakes! 'Course I want some snacky cakes!") we set out. At 10:32 we stop at the McDonalds along the highway. How do I know it's 10:32? Because I thought *I* was bad in the morning, but I am nothing compared to John before he gets his breakfast and coffee. Needless to say, MickyD's does not serve breakfast after 10:30 on Saturdays (Never has, never will!) John was one unhappy little camper! By this time, I have come to realize what Don meant about Rich's driving. You'd think he grew up in NY or something! His basic theory is: You can easily hit 95 if the stop sign isn't for another block or so. Same with stopped traffic. And toll booths. All in all, though, his 95 seemed to be working well on the highway. For him anyways.... What can I say about an 8 hour drive with people you've never met before? I think it went really well, concidering. I'm quite positive that there were more jokes about green goo and cleanliness than are legally allowed in at least 42 of the states. =) And I now know every episode of South Park by heart, even though I've only seen one of them. We had a lot of fun. We were making good time until we popped in the Queen tape and let Rich ride in front. I'm not quite sure which was concidered the bigger offence in Central Wisconsin, but I'll put bets on the Korean guy being in the front seat with white girl. We thought about offering the nice officer (who resembled a muppet) some doughnuts, but we figured he'd take it the wrong way. Rich offered to flirt with him a bit, but somehow I don't think that would have helped us much. And the Bohemian Rhapsody defense didn't seem to be working. He hit us up for $140 (for a measly 16 mph over?????) which Jen gladly payed (I guess it beat getting thrown in jail) and we're off again at a sedate 65 mph. Now, not to call the cop stupid or anything, but I'd think that with Texas plates, an Illinois drivers licence, a member of the superior race in the front seat, a guy in the back seat saying "I' kill yew! I' fill yew full o' lead!" and a credit card with an address from NY, maybe he shoulda asked to see some registration? Added to that, he seemed to be ordering stuff on Jen's card--maybe from Fredrick's of Hollywood or something. What else could he have been doing for 15 minutes? Wait...don't answer that. We roll into Minneapolis at about 5:30 or so, and check in. We are EXCEEDINGLY happy to hear that Mike has booked Jen and I a room right down the hall from the hot tub, and that tickets to the tourney are waiting at the door. Yea! We decide to walk to what looked like the gym (lots of karate-looking guys with bags were standing outside), but we were mistaken, so we stop to ask some girls in UM sweats where the sports pavillion is. They look lost. "Sports Pavillion? What's there?" Great, I think to myself. Just what we need, a couple of ditzy girls showing us the way. "I don't know where the 'sports pavillion' is [as if it's some sort of cuss word]. Why do you want to go *there*?" We thank them and leave before we can throttle them. In the immortal words of Rich--"Stupid white chicks!" But we eventually make it there despite running into more clueless people (must be a Minnesota thing). Now comes the tough part--finding people you have never seen before. We stand around and discuss. I've been told that Brad would be hard to miss--just find the guy who looks like he walked out of "Shaft"--afro, goatee. We scan the area and BINGO! That's just GOT to be him. A bit taller than I expected though, but big hair all the same. He sees us and starts to walk towards us. We send Jen, who confidently walks over, talks to him for a minute, and then comes back. Oooops. Apparently we mixed up poodle head with Brad, and he didn't seem too happy about it. Jen was informed that Brad was "over there. And he's busy." Well, so much for the hospitality of the midwest. We give up and sit down and watch one of the guys from my dojo draw some blood (we're not exactly trained for this "no contact" stuff). Cool! I ask one of my friends which guy is Brad and I'm astounded to here "The really clean cut guy on the left." Surprisingly enough, Brad looks just like I imagined *before* I was told about the afro and goatee. Go figure! The last fight finishes with some incredibly fast front kicks, and we go find Brad and Lauren (thank goodness for pictures on the WWW!) and Mike. Brad tries unsuccessfully to give us all poison ivy and explains that he won't be competing after all, which depresses us all. Especially me. I've heard about his (ummmm, shall we say unique?) fighting style, and I was really looking forward to seeing it. =( Brad takes off, showing us his patented "leap frog stance", Rich takes some time to show John how top notch ballarinas do pirouettes, (Sorry Rich--I'se jus' callin' you a lil' wuss-boy, thazzall.... =) and we're off to the hotel to change for dinner. At the restaraunt, we get introduced to the Texas boys (and Brad's wife Elizabeth too) and sit down to eat with Brad, Mike, Patrick and Diego. Patrick doesn't yet realize that within 24 hours, he'll no longer have a face, so he enjoys his dinner. Jen ate Rich's dinner again, Brad and Mike ate my french fries, and we all had fun. Brad explained to Jen some of the finer points of karate. After dinner, Jen, Brad and I stop off at the gift shop to get some calomine lotion and a swimsuit (since I left mine at home). Brad won my heart eternally by telling me that I can't possibly be more than a size 6 (it's a lie, but that's OK!) Rich went to hang out with the big boys and drink tequila (how much DID you drink, Rich?) at the pool. As much as I wanted to join them (I absolutely LOVE good tequila!), I was just too tired. John went to bed, and Jen and I sat up talking about girl stuff. The ultimate conclusion is that Jen and I are in reality the same person, she's just the tall part! DAY3 The next morning Jen and I get up and are stumbling around the room, running into walls and things, when there's a knock at the door. Surprise! It's John and Mike wanting to know if we can come out and play. I regret to say that I am not exactly friendly that early in the morning. Sorry guys (I'm making my apologies now, in front of everyone!) Eventually, Jen and I head off to the mini-fitness room and play around on the squeaky machines for about a half hour before we get bored, then hit the pool, hot tub, and sauna (actually, Jen got hit on in the sauna, and I scared the people out of the hot tub). We meet up with Rich (who I doubt remembers much of the night before!) and we go eat lunch at Stub and Herb's (that's the name, honest!) before going to the gym where we find John and Mike working CamCorders. Rich takes a nap on the top bleacher, but too many kids wake him up, so he finds a couch hidden in a back room somewhere and sleeps some more. He returns later and becomes engrossed in the "Usagi Yojimbo" books that Mike has dropped off. We patiently wait out the tournament (watching Patrick get hit in the face too many times), which was won by the afore mentioned poodle head. But we're loyal, and we're pretty sure Brad could have crushed him! Next year....! After the tourny, the four of us, accompanied by Lauren, head up to John and Rich's room to wait for Mike to get back from taking Patrick to the airport. Rich relates all sorts of stories--how there's a piece of meat stuck in his butt, etc. which put us all in a pretty good mood. When Mike gets back, we head out to a sushi place and eat really good food. We were, in good RMA fashion, loud and obnoxious the entire night. Mike tried to drop Fusaro Sensei's name at the restaraunt, but it pretty much fell with a loud Plop! sound on the floor =). Rich insisted that anything could be made to have a sordid twist to it (which the people behind us did NOT find amusing!) The final straw for them was, I believe, the "Nightstick? I'll show you a nightstick!" line. Maybe it was just the two Midori Margueritas, but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off the chair when the old lady whispered "Oh my God!" in a shocked whisper. We finally left (and I'm sure EVERYONE was happy to see us go), and did some inpromptu sparring in the parking lot. The people from the sushi bar were giving us weird looks, and probably figured us for a bunch of drunks. In their defence, there really is no way to do Tekki-shodan in high-heeled boots in a wet parking lot without looking drunk, especially when you only remember half of it! We go back to the hotel and retire to Rich and John's room where Jen supposedly tried on Rich's bell bottom pants (somehow I missed this--must've been the Midori!) Rich and Mike jump around doing defensive stances for a while before Mike finally heads off to bed. The rest of us go back to Jen's and my room for a tarrot card reading a la Jen (we stop at the bar along the way of course). Jen says her reading is the worst, but I don't believe her. All of my cards came out upside down, which is NOT a good thing. We eventually all head off to bed. THE TRIP HOME.... The next morning we leave bright and early, saying goodbye to Mike as he wanders aimlessly outside to take people to the airport. The ride home was fairly eventless--the guys slept for the first half of the journey. We stopped and got some breakfast at a restaraunt at one of the exits. For days, Rich has been explaining that "all that crap" hanging off of his face (by which he meant fat) was due to not working out for a few weeks. Personally, I think it's the 5 eggs and 8 pieces of toast. Just a thought though. For the last couple of hours of the drive, Rich told hillarious stories about his 450 years worth of training (some of which were pretty scary). We make it back to my place and sit around talking for a bit. We have a "discussion" about whether or not I'm actually 5'3". I win (somehow I had a feeling I would). We send the boys off just in time to catch rush hour (John had to be back to teach on Tuesday) but not before hugs and MORE disturbing pictures of Richard are taken (he seems to have a knack for that!) Jen and I once again contemplate how long it will be before John tries to kill Rich. They really are a cute couple! We rest up, and I take Jen downtown to meet her date with a classy musician. I don't get it. I've been in the city for four years--she's been here for a total of two days! =) Some people have all the luck! I crash somewhere around 9:30 (it's been an incredibly long weekend!) CHAPTER V--WACKINESS ENSUES.... The next morning, we are roused by a ringing phone. It's 6:30. I pick up --- "Hello?" "Angie? It's Rich. Don't hang up. We only get one phone call." "Huh?" "Don't hang up. We need your help." "What?" "We ran into some trouble and we need your help. We stopped to get gas, and John's credit card was fucked up and they said that we left without paying--." "What?" "--and the sheriff picked us up and we're in jail. We need you guys to come to Columbus and bail us out." "Ahhh shit. Hang on...." I stumble out to the living room to find some paper and a pen, all the while thinking that I can call my sister or brother and have them go bail them out. Except that they'd require cash. But we could always take my roommate's car. It's only a 4 hour drive down there. And what the heck were they doing in Columbus? "Wake up Jen--the boys are in jail. Something about the credit card not working and not paying for the gas." I stumble back to the phone. "OK. Which station are you at?" I am met by maniacle laughter on the other end of the phone. "Don't be mad. It was John's idea. It was *my* story, but it was John's idea." More laughter. "What? WHAT? You bastards! You're Eeeevil!" John gets on the phone--there's nothing but laughter though. "You are DEAD! Dead I say! I ki' yew!" Jen takes the phone and says pretty much the same thing.... "Just wanted to let you know that we got back OK...." I could vividly picture Rich's head bobbing up and down as he laughed.... Someday Weed--some day, when you least expect it! Needless to say, it was a bit difficult to get back to sleep after this, but somehow we managed. Strangely enough, we were glad to hear that Rich's body wasn't left in a ditch in Ohio somewhere. The next day, Jen and I head off to Union station to pick up her train ticket. After fighting with the change machine, we stash the luggage, and wander around the streets of Chicago for a while before we give up and finally catch a cab to the Hancock building. We take the "world's fastest elevator" up to the 95th floor (takes all of about 10-15 seconds) and get a table with a wonderful view of the city. It's kinda odd being right next to a clear window--feels like you could fall out any minute. The buffet lunch was excellent, but nothing compared to the deserts! What could possibly be better than bananas covered with Rum syrup? After stuffing ourselves, we head off to my lab so that Jen can play with some brains while she's here. We also send out some e-mail and catch up on RMA/RMAM. Anything to avoid work! After getting bored, we head to the toy store to play like kids, and spend a huge chunk of the time playing with this really cool globe that has a computer built inside and tells you all sorts of interesting stuff about whatever country you touch with the magic pen. We catch a cab back to Union Station, retrieve the luggage, contemplate playing some Tekken3, and Jen hops on her train after hugs and goodbyes and promises to visit. I get lost trying to find the commuter-train station, and give up, heading for the subway. At least I know were THAT is! The trip really was more hillarious than it sounds. Jen or John is compiling a list of quotes--it's ubelieveable how many one liners Rich can come up with! None of this would have been possible without the help of Mike though. I can't tell everyone how relieved we were to find that the room had been booked and everything was under control! He really did a great job of getting everything (and everyone) together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Angela Guillozet Cognitive Neurology and the Alzheimer Disease Center Northwestern University 320 E. Superior Ave, Searle 11-478 Chicago, IL 60611 Phone: (312) 908-9769/ 908-8407 FAX: (312) 908-8789 lgd450@lulu.acns.nwu.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~