A few years back, I got together with a group of locals from an online martial arts discussion board for a late lunch with one of the non-local member of the group who was in town for the day. We met at our usual place in the East Village and all went well. Afterwards, one of the locals, lets call him "Nod" in order not to incriminate the undeniably guilty ;) , offered me a ride back home in his car. As we were walking over to the car, Me, Nod, and his then wife, we were still goofing around, and I said something that neither one of them understood due to my accent. For those of you who don't know me, I speak with a very heavy Brazilian accent, mixed with a good dose of speaktoodamnfastanism. So I had to repeat what I said several times until one of them understood, and "translated" it to the other. After a few laughs at my expense, I said with a fake Southern accent: "God damn foreigners!" - Making fun of myself of course. We continued walking down the block, and as we approached the car, I felt something hit me on the outside of my left knee. So I turned around, and standing in front of me was a Latino guy, waving a 3 foot long metal pipe over his head, while asking: "What the fuck did you say to me back there?". By the way, this was on a sunny weekend afternoon in one of the busiest neighborhoods in New York City. So I tried to talk the guy down, by explaining that I was making fun of myself, and that I am Latino as well, and so on, but the guy wasn't buying it. While this was going on, I was stepping closer and closer to the lunatic in order not to give him enough room to swing down that pipe, and to get in good range to tackle him down in case he decided try. In any case, he had left enough of an opening and a target by having that arm way up like that, so I was ready to charge. While this was going on, I kept in mind that Nod is not only a lot bigger than both the goon and myself combined, but he is also a knife and stick fighting instructor who carries his toys with him. Both the guy and myself noticed Nod walking around the car, with his hands hidden from view. So El Loco Inseguro decided for the first time to use a little bit of judgment, and backed off. He walked away cursing at me and showing his middle finger at random intervals, but at least he walked away. We all had a good laugh at it, and Nod made sure to tell the entire group so they all could make fun of me as well. One year passed. I was waking around Union Square Park on another sunny summer afternoon. The place was mobbed with not just the usual tourists, NYU students, local dog owners, but also being Saturday, there was the Farmers' Market going on, and lots of people there for that as well. And where you have large crowds gathered in the city, you also get large numbers of cops standing by. As I walked by the steps facing 14th street, I heard a voice shouting right behind me: "I remember you, mutherfucker!" - At first, I didn't realize that the voice was talking to me. Then when I turned around to see what the yelling and cursing was all about, I noticed the guy was talking to me, but I still had no idea who he was. He kept on going about "you don't have your friends to help you out this time" and so on, and I was at a complete loss. It wasn't until he said something about "making fun of Latinos the other day on the east village" that I remembered who he was. His notion of "the other day" was one year ago! I don't know what surprised me the most, the fact that he recognized me, or the fact that he was still holding a grudge. Once again I tried to explain to the guy that I was the one I was making fun of that day, but he once again didn't want to hear it. So a told him to give me a freaking break, turned around, and started walking away. But instead of leaving me alone, the guy started following me just a few steps back. Having grown up in a very violent city, I knew I had to make the next move. Better I be the one to decide what the next move will be than leaving it up to him. The way I saw it, I had the following options: Run away - No good. He may be able to outrun me, and hit me from behind. Turn around and confront him - No good. He had used a weapon before. How could I know if he didn't have a weapon this time around as well? Turn around and coldcock him - No good. With all the people and cops around, I would be the one thrown in jail for assault. Report him to the cops - No good. He hadn't committed a crime yet, and in the unlikely chance the cops took the report, he would have my name and address. Catch a cab out of there - No good. I needed to stay visible. The back seat of a cab is not nearly as visible a place as a crowded sidewalk. Convince him that I wasn't going to be as easy a target as he wanted - Worth a try. So I walked uptown a few blocks with the looney in tow. I walked into a large sporting goods store - Paragon Sports - and he followed me inside. I walked to the second floor, and so did he. As we reached the second floor, we were right by the knives display. I remembered that Nod's personal knife was a Spyderco, and since I trust his opinion when it comes to knifes, I walked over to a sales guy and asked him to show me his selection of Spydercos. I was there for a while, checking out the knives and discussing martial arts with the sales guy. In the end I settled for their Tim Wegner model. It had a good feel to it, it had a good curve to the blade, it had a plain blade that I need since I don't know how to sharpen serrated blades, and most important of all, the blade was less than four inches in length, thus legal to carry in NYC. After I finished paying for it, I told the sales guy that there was no need to wrap it, since I was going to carry it on me. I put the knife in my pocket, turned around and, much as I predicted, the looney was gone. I almost returned the knife right away, since it had already served its purpose, but decided to keep it as a souvenir. Nod still laughs at this story, saying that I remind him of The Terminator, going through the pre programed list of possible reponses on my mental monochromatic display, then selecting the "fuck you asshole" ;)